Challenge Me.
This just where I’ll post a lot of my challenges that I try, and probably mostly fail at, doing. :)
7 day challenge;
day one - seven things that cross my mind a lot.
1.) I can’t handle this underlying pressure anymore; I wont ever live up to their expectation.
2.) I’m just, so, tired.
3.) I wonder…//what if…?
4.) I need to get on to that, I need to do that.
5.) If life were only that simple!
6.) I wish he wouldn’t…
7.) I’m so scared, I’m terrified.
day two - six things that I love.
1.) Love; in it’s purest form - not just romantically, but also the love within friendships, within families, and the love of a stranger. Of a Saviour.
2.) The feeling you get when you know that, for one moment, one breath, you’re content. With life, with yourself, with everything. It’s just .. exhilarating.
3.) Laughter. Plain ‘n’ Simple.
4.) The people who I surround my life with, the people who have walked in, and walked out, the person I made eye contact with and never forgot; people in general. Here, on Tumblr, are where I’ve rediscovered my love for our society. Giving me hope that, hidden somewhere like a candle under a box, there are people who care. No judgements, no hidden motive, no matter what.
5.) Comfort; in a warm embrace, in a soft smile, in a familiar face, in regular occurrences, certain instances. Just, that feeling of comfort.
6.) Music; I’d be lying if this were not on my list. Music is one of the biggest parts of my life, and I’m all the more better for it. It’s the bass to everything, it’s throughout my life, ever since infancy. A soft lullaby, a beautiful melody, a rockin’ beat behind the door, a tune my feet easily fall into step with. My heart plays music, my head interprets it, and my mouth sings it.
I really couldn’t say this is in chronological order, or I’d be sitting here typing for hours.
day three - five songs I like.
1.) Arcade Fire - No Cars Go
2.) A Kiss With A Fist - Florence and the Machine
3.) Wishery (Disney Remix) - Pogo
4.) Sea Strangers (I Don’t Really Know You) - Ball Park Music
5.) Getting Old - Hellogoodbye.
OR
Undercover Martyn - Two Door Cinema Club
- none of these are in order, just random songs I could think of.
day four - four things I wish I could say, but never might.
1.) “You have no idea how much I miss your arms surrounding me. I’ve tried to hard to keep myself distracted, to keep my thoughts from wondering to you. But, I’ve failed, and you’re still here. Haunting me.”
2.) “I’m sorry, you’re right - I can’t accept that I’m wrong. And you know why? It’s because I don’t want to see that I can’t be right. That you can know better, and I’m afraid what this knowledge will do to our friendship. If I continue to argue, to disagree, will it really change anything?”
3.) “I miss you, and the way things used to be. I can’t explain why I’m saying this now after all these years, but I can explain how I feel, how I’ve felt. My body aches for the dust of the past. What happened between us? Why did you leave us? Leave me?”
4.) “I don’t want you to think this is going to be the last thing I said to you. I don’t want you to worry about when my last breath is. I want you to focus on what I used to be like, when I was better. I want you to remember me the way I am before I came to this. Please, for me - just forget what I’m going through now and pretend I never got sick.”
This could be to anyone, and no-one. So, in retrospect - those mentioned here are people who are in my real life and will never see these words, for they luckily don’t have Tumblr.
day five - three things that I miss.
1.) That feeling of comfort; of security, of knowing that no matter where I turn, who’s face I see, what words I’ve spoken without thinking, who heart or pride I’ve wounded. That no matter what mistakes I make, that everything will be okay.
2.) Simplicity of and in life. I’ve always dressed simply, coloured plainly, acted smoothly. I’ve always wanted the ‘calm and collected’ and yet yearned for the ‘wild and ambitious’ side, too. I’m always two sides to one coin. Always wanting both sides of things. Even worse; no matter what, I always end up doing one extreme or another when it comes to making a decision. I wish, I wish I hadn’t the choice sometimes. Because, I can’t bare making another mistake, taking what little is left of my so-called Simple Life.
3.) My Innocence; now, I’m still a virgin, so don’t think I’m talking about that. But the innocence I’m talking about is in my mind; my heart. The things I’ve seen, been challenged with, what I’ve faced. I wish I never experienced them. I may learn life lessons by making my own mistakes, and not learning from other’s. But this? This just screws me over, day in and day out. I can’t trust my own thoughts, for heaven sake. I walk around with this paranoia hanging thickly in the air around my head, I breathe it in and I’m suffocating.
These things? They need to stop. I need to stop missing them; I need to fix them, to move on, to forget them.
